Neurotic Fishbowl: Get Thee To a Nunnery

 

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Get Thee To a Nunnery

For the last three days, that quote from Hamlet has been running through my head. Why?, you may ask. Well, let me tell you.

As you might remember, back in late September I was diagnosed with pneumonia and a pulmonary embolism (a blood clot in my lungs). I spent eight days in the hospital and probably came pretty close to dying. I was placed on an oral blood thinner that I had to take for a few months to prevent another clot from forming.

A few weeks ago I went to my GP and spoke to him about getting back on birth control pills (I've been off them since I got out of the hospital). He told me that I can't get on them - ever again. I completely freaked out since, in my opinion, sex cannot be safe enough. I immediately made an appointment with my OB-GYN and this Wednesday I went in to talk to her about other birth control options.

Her news was even grimmer. In addition to not being able to take anything with hormones (the patch, the pill, etc.), I can't be fitted for an IUD since I haven't had a child and she said my uterine cavity will be too small. In all honesty, that was what I was really hoping for so to have that option taken away completely dashed my hopes. She told me my only real options are condoms and foam and if I wanted, I could be fitted with for a diaphragm. She also suggested that I date men who've had vasectomies.

I don't know if I ever want children, so this is a huge problem for me. Considering that I'm going to be having sex for at least a couple more decades (I am only twenty-nine, after all) I feel really devestated. I'm neurotic (like the domain name suggests) and I know once I start having regular sex again, I'm going to constantly be worried that I'm pregnant. Condoms are only something like 45% to 65% effective (according to my doctor) and that's just not near good enough. Hell, when I was on the pill (which is like 97% effective), I still made Steven use condoms and I was still worried about getting pregnant.

I just can't believe that I have almost no options. I could always go into Planned Parenthood, not tell them about my pulmonary embolism, and get back on the pill, but I'm not sure that it would be worth it. Like my doctor said, twenty-nine is too young to die. I really do feel like swearing off sex forever right now. This sucks big time.

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Comments

I worked for an OB/Gyn for 9 years and he would fit women with an IUD that hadn't had kids. Maybe a 2nd opinion on that one?

.: daisy said on May 14, 2004 08:29 AM :: link it :.

This will sound crazy but look into the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. It is about learning your fertile days and either avoiding preganancy or achieving it. I think learning about how your body works will help you avoid pregnancy. I'm pregnant now thanks to the book - and I won't ever go back on the pill. I'll follow the charting cycles and feel confident of knowing when I can and cannot get pregnant. Soundsy so cheesy - but if you really read and learn pregnancy is so easy to avoid.

.: lauren said on May 14, 2004 09:10 AM :: link it :.

Just go get the pills. Besides, the side effects for ortho-evra are blood clots, stroke, and heart-attack.

Go for it! :P

.: nastybastard said on May 14, 2004 09:19 AM :: link it :.

That's not a fun decision to make. I've heard great things about the book Lauren recommended - from both sides of the game.

.: Lisa said on May 14, 2004 09:21 AM :: link it :.

I actually had migraines and possible blood clots due to the pill. I have heard that there are new pills out there that have different chemical formulas that can be ok for people like us, who have had bad things happen when they are on the pill. I am too chicken to actually try them out though... I would be very careful- it is not worth dying over!

I am on Depo Provera (the shot) and have not had a migraine since. You also don't get your period... I would recommend you check out Depo!

.: frecklegirl said on May 14, 2004 10:53 AM :: link it :.

I wouldn't go and get the pills without telling them--I know of someone who had the same thing and she did get another doc to prescribe them; she's not here anymore as a result.

See about a second opinion on other options available--maybe there's some alternative that will work for you :)

.: christina said on May 14, 2004 11:21 AM :: link it :.

Take care of yourself, no one else will do it for you. If you have to, make him wear a condom and use foam/diaphram at the same time. You have to worry about STDs as well as babies. We'ed all miss you if something bad happened.

.: Junebugg said on May 14, 2004 09:07 PM :: link it :.

I understand where you are coming from, but please consider what could happen should you ignore medical advice. I work on a cardiac floor in a local hospital,and have seen many a PE case, including a young man, 19 years old, who passed away from a PE. I am also a sister who lost her brother almost two years ago to a cardiac arrythmia. He was two weeks shy of his 22nd birthday and I was 24 at the time. We had no warning signs, and his death was unavoidable but I live with it every single day and minute of my life. Again, I understand your concern about becoming pregnant, but please listen to what the doctors are saying. Life is to fragile to mess around with. I live with that daily, and I witness that daily on my nursing unit.

.: Traci said on May 14, 2004 10:13 PM :: link it :.

I agree w/ the first person... I had to go to three ob/gyn's but finally one told me that most MD's are just afraid to use an IUD in a single woman because they're afraid she will automatically assume it means she's okay for "safe" sex (safe meaning from STD's *and* pregnancy, not just the latter). Oh, and although I'm pretty sure Depo counts as being hormonal, if you do take the advice of FreckleGirl and consider it, please take note that according to my ob/gyn, I miscarried due to side effects from the Depo Provera shot. Good luck!

.: said on May 15, 2004 10:23 PM :: link it :.

Three words - Vaginal Contraceptive Film. It is easy to use, very effective and non-hormonal. They sell them at almost every drug store and they run between $8 and $12 for a box of 12. Can't reccomend them more highly.

.: Visitor said on May 17, 2004 04:29 PM :: link it :.

I agree with Lauren on the book (I know of others that have used it to prevent - successfully - pregnancy), get a diaphragm, use condoms and foam. (Make sure it is a foam that is ok to use with condoms.) I think the triple combo combined with your knowledge of your body due to the book will cover you.

Plus I know you, you'll be neurotic about the whole pregnancy thing regardless. ;)

Meanwhile, remind me tomorrow to call my doc to see if they do IUDs on women without kids and if not - why not.

.: Christine said on May 18, 2004 12:35 AM :: link it :.

I agree with the others who said that taking the pill against the doc's advice is bad. Please don't do it!

I also agree with Daisy and others that you should try to get a second opinion about an IUD. I've never used one, but I've heard of childless people who have. This may be your best bet.

I know what you mean about being paranoid about getting pregnant when you don't want to. I was the same way. But Mike and I decided that we never wanted to have kids, so he went and got snipped.

But I would not date guys with vasectomies, unless I was 100% sure I wanted to remain child-free. What if you did decide later on that you wanted to have a baby, and you were seriously involved with a snipped guy? Not fair to you or to him!

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

.: Christine said on May 18, 2004 02:52 AM :: link it :.

hi :-)...I've never commented here before, but I've been by your site many a times in the last couple of years (off & on).

anyhow...the title of this post grabbed my attention, those words were spoken to me on my wedding day of my first marriage, (my ex's name was similar to a word in that phrase) LOL..should've taken that advice then :-P

anyhow...I'm a bit of a nut when it comes to this type of subject, LOL...I'm no doctor, but I've done a lot of research on this subject.

definitely get another opinion about the IUD. I've known plenty of childless women that've had then successfully....I have a VERY tilted uterus, and I've had one successfully for the last 5 years. Mine is good for 10 years & hormone free. I think your OB/GYN is being overly careful on that one...she may be concerned about rejection, but that's a risk that all women face with an IUD.

The book mentioned (TCOYF) is good, but you have to be VERY diligent about it, and you'll still be using condoms or abstaining. Honestly, I wouldn't rely on this 100% for avoiding pregnancy. It is a fantastic resource though!

Foams suck..diaphragms suck even more... blech. From what I understand, the Vaginal Films are MUCH better & super easy to use. Condoms have a better rate than what your doc gave you (45-65% ??), but they do break, or get forgotten about...or run out of...I guess I can see how those rates might be accurate after all.

Don't omit your very important medical history...it's so not worth it. You're definitely in a spot, but you do have some options. Hang in there & do some research & seek some more medical opinions...there is an answer for you! Good luck!

.: PunkAssBitch said on May 28, 2004 11:58 AM :: link it :.

One quick comment.
On your post your doctor told you that condoms are only 45-65% effective...?
This is completely false. Condoms are 90% effective. Make sure you watch your boyfriend put it on. As long as it's put on right, they are almost just as effective as the pill.
My sister is a doctor and I work w/ physicians, I don't know why your doctor would give you such a false statistic

.: Bill said on March 9, 2005 02:01 PM :: link it :.

You're too early! Come back at May 14, 2004 07:44 AM to see this post.

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