Neurotic Fishbowl: Passion

 

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Passion

As you probably know, I went skydiving last Saturday. It really has been a life-changing experience for me.

The last six months has brought a lot of bad luck my way - I went into the hospital with a pulmonary embolism that could have killed me, my boyfriend of six years decided that I wasn't ever going to be skinny enough for him and dumped me, I lost my job, and I got kidney stones during my best friend's wedding rehersal. Understandably, I've been in a funk for a huge portion of this time. While I've had lots of good evenings out, be it with friends or on dates, most of my time has been spent just kind of exisiting. Saturday, though, for the first time in a very long time I felt alive. I guess hurtling at the Earth at over 120 miles per hour from over two and a half miles up tends to get the adrenaline pumping.

Seriously, though, ever since I jumped it's been all I can think about. I've been watching videos over at Flying Arab pretty much non-stop with this goofy grin on my face. I'm completely in awe of how easy the experienced jumpers make it look. My favorite video is Van's AFF 1. (Quick note - AFF stands for Advanced Free Fall and it's what you do to get certified to jump. On the first three levels you jump with two instructors and they help you keep your form and guide you in by radio.) After Van pulls his chute, one of the instructors flies over to the videographer, Tarek the Flying Arab. They shake hands and then the instructor flips over going heads down.

Why I love this video so much is because they look so at ease doing all this - like you or I walking down the street. Doesn't matter that they're miles above the ground traveling at extreme speeds. The more videos I see (or the more times I watch the same ones over and over) the more I long to do this. To be at ease in the air. To jump and land by myself. When Eric (my tandem jumper) pulled the chute Saturday it was the most at peace I have ever felt. It was so quiet and so beautiful to be floating in the air. I knew at that moment why people threw themselves out of planes thousands of times. I know I could never get enough of that feeling.

Even before all the crap that I mentioned earlier, I had a lack of passion in my life (as I suspect lots of people do). Nothing really seemed to matter all that much and I never really wanted to get out and do anything. I remember being passionate about things like when I taught myself HTML way back in the day and again when graphics programs started to (finally) make sense to me. Dancing, to an extent, has also done that. Skydiving, though, has finally awoken something extreme in me. I yearn to be back up there, falling through the air.

This passion has made me feel like I'm finally starting to get out of my rut. I desperately want to find a job again (Know anyone that needs a project manager? My resume is here). It would be nice to be working again, but I must admit a big incentive of it is so I can get certified and buy my own gear. I'm making a promise to myself that I will be certified by this time next year even if I have to sell a kidney to do it.

I am so glad that Patience called and mentioned she was going skydiving. I feel kind of like a dork that it's made that big of an impression on me, but this really has brought to life something inside of me and for that, I am grateful.

.: Posted July 22, 2004 09:06 AM in Fish Tales, ";print substr($entry_cats, 0, -2); ?> :.


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Comments

I'm so happy for you :) I hope things get better for you soon.

.: LT said on July 22, 2004 09:11 AM :: link it :.

This is *very* cool... it's great that you've literally stumbled over something that can affect you this way! Sounds like a great goal to me... I think everyone needs something like this in their lives to keep things interesting. Sometimes you have to push the envelope a bit to make you appreciate living!

.: Michael said on July 22, 2004 09:55 AM :: link it :.

You do sound inspired! And actually happy with a plan. :) And hell, you don't need that kidney anyway, it's been nothing but trouble to you.

.: Lisa said on July 22, 2004 10:03 AM :: link it :.

Try firefighting now that is a rush... ;-) We had a call last night at 4:30 in the morning, the pager went off and you jump up and go not really knowing what is going to happen when you get there. Don't tell Mom but I think next year after fire school is over in Jan, I might leave work and try to do it full time.

.: Russell said on July 22, 2004 10:18 AM :: link it :.

My station needs an IT person, which isn't the same, sadly, because we have at least three skydiving clubs.

.: Z. Hendirez said on July 22, 2004 10:19 AM :: link it :.

you're not a dork; you just had, like, an epiphany.

maybe you should try firefighting? it's a rush and all...

.: mikey said on July 22, 2004 10:27 AM :: link it :.

Kymberlie, I feel your fever and am very happy for you. Have you ever considered firefighting...

.: Marie said on July 22, 2004 12:48 PM :: link it :.

After meditating on this most of the day (fortunately, I was in an all-day meeting that required no real cognitive function on my part, and I have a laptop and Internet connectivity)... I'm going to endorse fire fighting also. Thinking about it, it would be cheaper than sky diving and in a pinch, you can set the fires yourself, which is really convenient.

.: Michael said on July 22, 2004 05:27 PM :: link it :.

Remember my birthday wish for you? It's coming true -- you're learning more and more about yourself. I have a feeling that by this time next year you're going to be amazed at what you've accomplished, but particularly by the path you've taken to get there. Oh, I'm going to love being along for the ride!!

.: Zuly said on July 22, 2004 09:03 PM :: link it :.

That sounds absolutely wonderful! I've had some of those same "blah" feelings at various points over the past couple years, and I've wondered if there is some ritual, some experience, some spiritual awakening out there just waiting to change my life. I believe very strongly it's possible, and it sounds like you just found it. :)

.: Amy said on July 23, 2004 11:50 AM :: link it :.

Yeah, sell your kidney. In fact, I might just buy it from you myself. Being a coffee addict, I'm sure mine has long since abandoned my body. Even if you sell me the one with the stones; I might even take that one. It'll be the closest thing to having bling-bling that I've come to in a while. ;-)

Seriously, sounds amazing! I still think you are absolutely insane (with all due respect) and that pretending to be someone else in front of a few people isn't nearly as brave as hurling yourself from an airborne object... You rock, girl!

.: redsaid said on August 14, 2004 11:45 AM :: link it :.

You're too early! Come back at July 22, 2004 09:06 AM to see this post.

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